Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
