If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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