my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
