ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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