i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
