You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
