It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
