He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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