my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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