I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
