I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
