Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
