would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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