I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
