I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
