im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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