dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
