You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
