So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
