dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
