Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
