i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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