That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
