There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
