So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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