you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize