its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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