hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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