you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
