you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
