So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You don't make any sense
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