i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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