hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
