Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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