I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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