By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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