shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
