so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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