I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
