Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize