I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
