So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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