Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
