she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
