he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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