; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think I sprained my soul last night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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