My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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