Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
