now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
