DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
