i barfeds in our rink
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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