Where did you get a picture of my penis
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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