I wanna passion pit in your ass
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
