i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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