break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
