Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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