Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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