we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
