It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
