Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
