so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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