I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize