You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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