went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
