I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
