Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
