so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
