you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
