what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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