I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
