You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
