Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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