Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
