i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
