Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize